Thursday, September 3, 2009

How To Keep Love Alive


Whether you're in a long-term relationship, or are just looking for new ways to woo the lady in your life, these tips will help you keep love and passion alive with your partner.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: As much as you have to give

Here's How:

  1. Tell her you love her. Do you do it enough? Be specific. Say, "Honey, you make me laugh," or "You're the sexiest person I've ever met." Only say it if you mean it. She'll know the difference.
  2. Buy her flowers. Do it today! Don't just wait for a special occasion. Surprise her!
  3. Take her out on a date. So many long-term couples don't go out on dates, especially if they live together or have kids. A date doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Go see an art opening or a free concert in the park.
  4. Make a date for romance. Is your love life in a rut? Plan an evening of intimacy. Turn off the TV, light candles, put on some romantic music, send the kids to a baby sitter or get a hotel room.
  5. Tell her she's beautiful.
  6. Meet her at the door after a long day of work with a glass of wine and a hot drawn bath.
  7. Sit behind her when you're watching TV and rub her shoulders and back. Have her put her feet in your lap and massage them too.
  8. Cook her a romantic dinner, complete with candles, flowers and a nice bottle of wine.
  9. Have interests of your own, but make time for her. She fell for you because you intrigued her. Keep doing what you love. If you're a well-rounded person, you'll always have things to talk about.
  10. Encourage her to follow her heart's desire. Does she have a hidden dream? Does she fantasize of being a famous painter? Buy her an easel. Has she always wanted to climb Mt. Everest? Buy her books on Nepal or a new pair of hiking boots. Does she want to return to school? Help her apply for financial aid. The happier she is with herself, the happier she'll be with you.
  11. Find a common hobby or interest. Whether it's attending a church together or watching horror movies. Find something you BOTH like and make time to do it as often as you can.
  12. Listen with your ears and your heart. Let her know you're paying attention. Ask her what she would like to make your relationship better. Be open to what she has to say.
  13. Follow up your words with actions. Did you promise to go with her to visit her mother? Say you were going to take her out on Saturday night? Return the videos? Do it!
  14. Give her space when she needs it. If she needs some time alone, don't take it personally. Everyone's need for personal space is different. Respect hers.
  15. Communicate. Listen with respect. Repeat what you heard her say. Validate her points. Validate her.

What You Need:

  • A sense of humor
  • Patience
  • Compassion
  • A shoulder for her to cry on
  • Lots of Love

Age Differences in Lesbian Relationships


Sometimes you just happen to fall in love with someone older or younger than you. Other times you're naturally attracted to women older or younger than yourself. Some people claim that age differences do not matter in relationships. But the truth is, it often does. When does age difference matter in lesbian relationships and what can you do to ensure your relationship will survive?

How to make age differences work:
First you need to be open to the fact that even though you love each other and have so much in common, one thing that is different about you is the amount of time you have lived. It’s not a deal breaker, but it can cause conflict. Everyone is different, but people tend to go through different stages at certain ages of their lives.

For example, many women attend college in their early 20s to early 30s. You might spend your twenties hanging out a lot with your friends, partying and jumping from job to job. In your forties, you might be more settled in your job, have some money saved for retirement, own a house and have children who are adults themselves.

A woman in her twenties, even if she is mature for her age, is not going to have had all the same life experiences as someone in her forties. Does this mean the relationship cannot work? Of course not! But it does present some challenges that a couple that is the same age may not experience.

Ten, Twenty, Thirty Years Different

How many years separate you and the age each of you are can be a factor. A fifteen year age difference might not seem like a big deal to a 30-year-old and 45-year-old. But if one is 18 and the other is 33, there might be challenges. One can't go to over 21 clubs, may be just starting out on her own or in school.

Like any kind of difference in relationship, whether it be economic, race, class or culture, it is important to look at where these differences enhance the relationship and where they may lead to potential conflict. Good communication and trust will improve your chances of relationship success.

Outside Forces

Regardless of how well suited you are for each other, your friends and family may disapprove of a relationship with a large age difference, especially if both of you mainly have friends within your own age group. Be sure your social circle includes people of varying ages. And make sure to socialize as a couple with each other's friends so they can get to know you as a couple.

Life Goals

More than our differences, it's our similarities that make a relationship work. Make sure you’re on the same page about life goals. Do you both want children? Where do you each see yourselves in ten years? Are you compatible on a day-to-day basis? Do you share the same interests, hobbies, spiritual beliefs and values? These things may be more of an indicator of success than how old you are.

Other Differences

Money and sex are issues that couples often fight about. Age can contribute to both these factors. An older woman may make more than her younger partner, of if she is retired, she may be on a fixed income and make less. As our bodies age and we enter perimenopause and menopause, women often experience different levels of desire and arousal. If you are aware of these issues and are prepared to deal with them as they arise, your relationship should be on firm footing.

Where to Meet Lesbians Older or Younger Than Yourself

If you are someone who knows she is attracted to older or younger women, but doesn't have the opportunity to meet them in your daily life, then consider taking out or answering a personal ad. When you write a personal ad, you can be specific about the kind and age of women you want to date.

Making Age Differences Work

Sexual attraction and love are important, but it takes more than love to make a relationship work. Communication, trust and respect are essential. The keys to relationship success is not what differences are or are not present, rather how you deal with those differences.