Am I Just Envy or What?

okay here goes.. every time i look at photographs of cute cute and happy couples together (Lesbians) i suddenly stare at those photographs and my mind starts to wonder. why is it that every time i have a chance to see photographs of such, why do i always feel my stomach aching and having deep breaths!!!
i've been in a good relationship twice too many, most of it were of happy memories...i do have cute happy photographs of my X's too. But looking at other's photographs is different for me. i always want to be in that photograph, i want to experience what they feel.
is that normal? i always ask my self that.
i used to cheat on my ex-girlfirend because of this foolish question. i see another women and take photos of her.. silly ha? then compare them with my girlfriends photos... and i won't stop until i found contentment on any of the photographs taken. i know i was stupid and wrong, so wrong that i lost someone who cared about me so much.
i stopped that habbit for a while now, and glad that i did. but, eventually i still have that stomach aches and deep breaths every time i see photographs, not just a photograph but a photograph of happy lesbian couple. i've been in that road before and i am still now. foolish of me to feel like this. i think that every time i see different photographs of couples, i see different emotional figure of the couple taken, and each emotional figure makes me want to feel it too.... WHAT????? I have lots of emotions... but why want the others?
or maybe, i need to be content... i am content ***thinking*** i need to teach myself to be satisfied.... happy and thankful.
whatever it is, i still do have those stomach aches and deep breaths every time i see happy lesbian couples.... or perhaps i feel happy for them.... maybe or i don't know!

Lindsay's into it as well!!!!

Apparently Lindsay is spending her time at Promises trying to rehab her relationship with Samantha Ronson as much as she’s dealing with her drug problem, but hopefully she’s doing better with the drugs …
According to Star magazine, Lindsay and SamRo have been sending extremely charged MySpace and text messages back and forth ever since Lindsay checked into rehab. “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die,” wrote Lindsay one night. “Your [sic] all I have to live for, babe. I want to marry you and have children with you. I need you to live!”
Wrote Samantha: “You still have me. I’m here for you. With you.” Although Samantha was on-hand to spin the records at Lindsay’s recent 21st birthday party in Malibu, she has reportedly been encouraging Lindsay to find a partner who can help her stay sober, as Samantha struggles with drug problems of her own. Lindsay gets upset each time Samantha tries to end things.
“I love you,” said Lindsay. “You love me. Why don’t we fuck and make a family … Babe, don’t leave me like this I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”
Lindsay sends Samantha a “virtual kiss” each night from rehab. “Go to bed babe,” she writes. “I love you – [signed] Lindsay Ronson.”
Samantha’s part of the reason Lindsay’s even in rehab. They met on the club circuit three years ago, and their relationship quickly became more than just a friendship, and the Memorial Day weekend drunken car crash Lindsay was involved in came as she was having a drunk and loaded argument with Samantha, supposedly because Lindsay refused to call Samantha her girlfriend.

LOVE IS NEVER WRONG

PURPLE... a Lesbian color?

The color purple (or, more accurately, lavender) became popularized as a symbol for pride in the late 1960s - a frequent post-Stonewall catchword for the gay community was “Purple Power”.
Purple as a gay / lesbian color was pushed into pop-culture in 1999 by Rev. Jerry Falwell and his kinky Tinky Winky theory. Falwell said that Tinky Winky, the TV Teletubby from Itsy Bitsy Entertainment and PBS, is in all likelihood gay.
Why? Like Barney, Tinky Winky is purple. Tinky Winky carries a bag. Tinky Winky has a triangular antenna on his head. Purple, the gay pride color, is a pretty good tip-off. The so-called magic bag? A purse, and you know what that means. But the triangular antenna is the clincher. A big gay pride signal.
Whenever I see someone wearing a triangular antenna on his head, the first thing I always think is: gay. Or at least very happy.

OUR SYMBOLS

Entwined rings of the sexes depict mixing of the different sexual (human) beings. It is an illustration of the natural mixing of the sexes, male with male, female with female and male with female. It also depicts male-male-female and female-female-male mixing clearly symbolizing coupling and interrelations of all the sexes in all possible combinations. This symbol captures the freedom of sexual will or orientation.

For many years, bisexuals were left out of both heterosexual and homosexual society. Being neither lesbian/gay or straight, they had no symbols of their own for pride in being who they are. So, the overlapping triangles were created as a symbol of pride in being bisexual. This is (as far as I know) the most commonly used and accepted bisexual pride symbol. It should be noted that there have been many other variations on the use of a triangle as a pride symbol. Some of the variations include the rainbow triangle and the lavender triangle. Other triangles show pride in being lgbt AND being of a particular race or culture.

The Gender Symbols
The gender symbols were originally common astrological signs coming from Roman times. The interlocking male symbols have been used since the 1970's as a symbol of pride for gay men. The interlocking female symbols are used as a lesbian pride symbol. Some feminists also use the double female symbol (one ring with two crosses) as a symbol of sisterhood among women. Trans persons sometimes use a symbol created by one ring, one cross, and one arrow. Other times this symbol is used to show that a person enjoys bending the gender lines in any way or that they understand and support the blurring of the strict gender boundaries.

FRIENDS... they are important....

Yah, I have few, but they are all with quality.... I used to have so many before *sigh* but then in times when I am down they are all gone!!! What did I do wrong? But I stopped searching for the answer, and these wonderful people *smiles* you see in the pictures found me!!!! they make me laugh, they make me criticise *hehehehe* and they make me realize too. they taught me things that I never knew before, they make me wonder at times and they put my mind in peace. It was hard for me once to have these kinds of friends. I used to shower my old friends*grin* with money just so to keep them, but I then realized it was not the answer. The answer was... these new friends I have... regardless of their belief, color, gender, status or what so ever... I love them. And I am glad *clapping* to have them in my life.

Im totally out of my closet...

20008!!!! After 27 yrs of my life, I came to realize how I enjoy looking at a woman's beauty.... of any sort.....
mmm... yah. I was once married got a 5 yr old son. I love men. *errrrrrrr* I was so attracted to them that I can't stop my self but to drool over them.
But... when this Lady (back when I was in Canada) named Jessica, came up to me and said " do u have any idea where I can find the admin office?" I stared at her and started noticing how lovely her mouth was, *yah yah it was a mouth that I was not able to stop looking at* then it was the beginning of my search for what we call WHAT DO I REALLY WANT thigy.....
Jesse *thats what I call her* and I we were school mates, lunch mates, smikong mates, drinking mates until we were literally MATES... *wink* I got scared at first. I didn't know what, whay or how!!!!
I admire or shall I say love the way she talks, walks and tie her hair... then the KISS. From that moment I had my first SAME-SEX Kiss.... I liked it. So much.
I got devorced 2 years after that!!!! But in between those time, I had been hooked up with women. It was women every where that I see... not Men anymore... *eeeerrr yah* Dykes, Soft Butch or Femme... I just love them. It was hard for me to tell that to my Parents...friends.... it was not that accepted to the society yet. It was hard for me to give public affection to my partner... but somehow managed to do so at times!!!!
Am I ashame????????? NOPE. I'd rather show what I really am rather than keep it inside with confused mind and stressed emotions.
This is what I feel. and if you feel it... try it. give it a chance to know the real you. This is 2008 and what else could go wrong?!