I AM WHAT I AM

I started to appreciate the same sex when I was in my elementary years. I thought It was quit odd because I was a bit uncomfortable about it. My family (clan) has some history of having Lesbian members.
I was really attracted to her, she was (is still) a butch. Her name was Bing. Every time I sit in class with her, I always could not stop looking in her direction. And every time our eyes met, I could not hide my red face. I liked the feeling.
Eventually as years passed, my family and I decided to relocate. I left the Philippines when I was only 10 yrs old. With in those many years, I never had thought about what I felt with the same sex, maybe because I was surrounded with boys and femmes in school and was very busy with school work and adjusting to the new environment. It was then with in the 11yrs in Bahrain I got married. I was 21 and had a baby boy and graduated college.
After 11yrs in Bahrain, my family and I relocated again. My husband and I were separated because of work. He was based in Mosul, Iraq while I stayed in Canada with my parents and my little son. With in 4 years my relationship with my husband was not good. I got hooked up with some girls here and there. So I decided to work with DHL so I can be based in Iraq to be with him. And there I was, Baghdad, Iraq. It did not help.
I was 26 when I got back in the Philippines to be legally separated. And I was.
During my stay in the Philippines I met someone of the same sex who literally moved in with me. I then made a comparison. Men can be sometimes clueless. It was that time I realized I was more comfortable with women. she was a butch.
2006 was a disaster year for me. It was the year my x-husband knew about my Lesbian relationships back in Canada, it was also the year I finally told my parents about me because they found out a woman was living in with me. it was that year i lost hundreds of thousands because of my Atty. and it was that year that i had my worst night mare with her. It was not good. My relationship with her did not last that long. I get on with my life and she did too. I had relationships with men... 2 to be exact and it never lasted. I decided to stay away from any relationships.... but it was not successful. I got very attracted to WOMEN.... of any sort. Dykes, Butch or Femmes.... I had been with them non stop. It didn't bother me what people say since my parents knew already of what I've become and they still love me for that.
2007, it wasn't such a bad year. It was the year that I got accepted in my first job in the Philippines, it was where I met knew friends at work, It was the year I met someone really special and it was the year I accepted myself as a Lesbian. And most of all, It was the year my parents, relatives and friends accepted who I am.
Finally 2008!!!! I really don't know what would go wrong this year. Maybe CASH!!!!! like other normal people do.... but I feel happy, comfortable, proud and sincere of who I become.
I realized why would I be ashamed of it? People on drugs are supposed to be the ones to be ashamed, people in denial, hypocrites and God knows who else.
I Love women, I Love my son, I Love the Lord, I Love my friends, I Love my family, I Love my life. this is what I have and this is who I am. All we need to do is know ourselves and accept it. Life is like a book with many chapters in it. Don't be a critic and don't make a grin after you read this.