How To Keep Love Alive

Whether you're in a long-term relationship, or are just looking for new ways to woo the lady in your life, these tips will help you keep love and passion alive with your partner.

Difficulty: Average

Time Required: As much as you have to give

Here's How:

1. Tell her you love her. Do you do it enough? Be specific. Say, "Honey, you make me laugh," or "You're the sexiest person I've ever met." Only say it if you mean it. She'll know the difference.
2. Buy her flowers. Do it today! Don't just wait for a special occasion. Surprise her!
3. Take her out on a date. So many long-term couples don't go out on dates, especially if they live together or have kids. A date doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Go see an art opening or a free concert in the park.
4. Make a date for romance. Is your love life in a rut? Plan an evening of intimacy. Turn off the TV, light candles, put on some romantic music, send the kids to a baby sitter or get a hotel room.
5. Tell her she's beautiful.
6. Meet her at the door after a long day of work with a glass of wine and a hot drawn bath.
7. Sit behind her when you're watching TV and rub her shoulders and back. Have her put her feet in your lap and massage them too.
8. Cook her a romantic dinner, complete with candles, flowers and a nice bottle of wine.
9. Have interests of your own, but make time for her. She fell for you because you intrigued her. Keep doing what you love. If you're a well-rounded person, you'll always have things to talk about.
10. Encourage her to follow her heart's desire. Does she have a hidden dream? Does she fantasize of being a famous painter? Buy her an easel. Has she always wanted to climb Mt. Everest? Buy her books on Nepal or a new pair of hiking boots. Does she want to return to school? Help her apply for financial aid. The happier she is with herself, the happier she'll be with you.
11. Find a common hobby or interest. Whether it's attending a church together or watching horror movies. Find something you BOTH like and make time to do it as often as you can.
12. Listen with your ears and your heart. Let her know you're paying attention. Ask her what she would like to make your relationship better. Be open to what she has to say.
13. Follow up your words with actions. Did you promise to go with her to visit her mother? Say you were going to take her out on Saturday night? Return the videos? Do it!
14. Give her space when she needs it. If she needs some time alone, don't take it personally. Everyone's need for personal space is different. Respect hers.
15. Communicate. Listen with respect. Repeat what you heard her say. Validate her points. Validate her.

What You Need:

• A sense of humor
• Patience
• Compassion
• A shoulder for her to cry on
• Lots of Love

Age Differences in Lesbian Relationships

Sometimes you just happen to fall in love with someone older or younger than you. Other times you're naturally attracted to women older or younger than yourself. Some people claim that age differences do not matter in relationships. But the truth is, it often does. When does age difference matter in lesbian relationships and what can you do to ensure your relationship will survive?

How to make age differences work:
First you need to be open to the fact that even though you love each other and have so much in common, one thing that is different about you is the amount of time you have lived. It’s not a deal breaker, but it can cause conflict. Everyone is different, but people tend to go through different stages at certain ages of their lives.

For example, many women attend college in their early 20s to early 30s. You might spend your twenties hanging out a lot with your friends, partying and jumping from job to job. In your forties, you might be more settled in your job, have some money saved for retirement, own a house and have children who are adults themselves.

A woman in her twenties, even if she is mature for her age, is not going to have had all the same life experiences as someone in her forties. Does this mean the relationship cannot work? Of course not! But it does present some challenges that a couple that is the same age may not experience.

Ten, Twenty, Thirty Years Different

How many years separate you and the age each of you are can be a factor. A fifteen year age difference might not seem like a big deal to a 30-year-old and 45-year-old. But if one is 18 and the other is 33, there might be challenges. One can't go to over 21 clubs, may be just starting out on her own or in school.

Like any kind of difference in relationship, whether it be economic, race, class or culture, it is important to look at where these differences enhance the relationship and where they may lead to potential conflict. Good communication and trust will improve your chances of relationship success.

Outside Forces

Regardless of how well suited you are for each other, your friends and family may disapprove of a relationship with a large age difference, especially if both of you mainly have friends within your own age group. Be sure your social circle includes people of varying ages. And make sure to socialize as a couple with each other's friends so they can get to know you as a couple.

Life Goals

More than our differences, it's our similarities that make a relationship work. Make sure you’re on the same page about life goals. Do you both want children? Where do you each see yourselves in ten years? Are you compatible on a day-to-day basis? Do you share the same interests, hobbies, spiritual beliefs and values? These things may be more of an indicator of success than how old you are.

Other Differences

Money and sex are issues that couples often fight about. Age can contribute to both these factors. An older woman may make more than her younger partner, of if she is retired, she may be on a fixed income and make less. As our bodies age and we enter perimenopause and menopause, women often experience different levels of desire and arousal. If you are aware of these issues and are prepared to deal with them as they arise, your relationship should be on firm footing.

Where to Meet Lesbians Older or Younger Than Yourself

If you are someone who knows she is attracted to older or younger women, but doesn't have the opportunity to meet them in your daily life, then consider taking out or answering a personal ad. When you write a personal ad, you can be specific about the kind and age of women you want to date.

Making Age Differences Work

Sexual attraction and love are important, but it takes more than love to make a relationship work. Communication, trust and respect are essential. The keys to relationship success is not what differences are or are not present, rather how you deal with those differences.

Are you ready to be labeled?

You will know you are a lesbian when you are ready to label yourself as one. It's really okay.

As you continue to figure it out, here are some things to consider:

**When you are with a girl you are attracted to, does your belly do flip-flops?
**When you hear love songs on the radio, do you think of guys or girls?
**Who do you fantasize about?
**If you have the choice of spending time with a girl you like or a boy you like, which do you choose?
**Who do you enjoy kissing more? Men or women?

Please don't think you have to sleep with someone to figure it out. While sex is a big part of sexual orientation, it is not the only part. Listen also with your heart and your head.

Be easy on yourself. In time you will figure it out. Coming out is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. I encourage you to talk with supportive friends, read books with gay and lesbian characters.

Difference between Lesbian and Gay woman

As I understand it, taking on the label lesbian is more of a political statement, like an identity. Gay woman is less political, like someone who dates women, but isn't involved at all in the gay and lesbian community. What do you think? How would you define the difference between the terms "lesbian" and "gay woman?"

Some pics to share to you...

The WHATS & HOWS

I've been collecting these commonly asked questions... and I hope this will help. Enjoy =)

Q: What's one of the trickiest aspects of the lesbian dating scene?
A: One of the things that I hear ladies talking about the most is how both parties are afraid to be the aggressor. We were all raised with, um, let's see -- zero vocabulary for initiating sex. In fact, for the most part I'd say that those of us raised female are taught that the only way to get dates is to flirt and be coy and hope someone comes along and demands that you go out with them. It's easy with guys; you pretty much just have to stand there and someone will come along and start hustling you for a date. I'm not saying this never happens with girls, but it's rare. If you want to be successful with the ladies you gotta learn to make a move.

Q: How can a woman tell by another woman's body language if she's available and interested?
A: If she's out and by herself, she probably doesn't really want to be alone -- if she did she'd stay home. It's also promising if she's at a table of girls who all seem to be friends. Go ahead and approach her. Ask her a simple question. Check her out in a way that makes her feel hot but don't go overboard or it will seem like you just got out of jail. If she leans into you when you talk to her, it's a sign she's interested. If she likes you, she will encourage you to pay attention to her. She'll ask you to join her, she'll laugh at your jokes, and she'll listen to you.

Q: OK, so what's the next step?
A: I always recommend flattering the object of your attention. Compliment her appearance, her intelligence, her singing voice or whatever it is you notice about her. A long, slow glance and a sweet smile will always get someone's attention. Approach with confidence and ask a girl you're interested in if you can buy her a drink. Try asking her to dance with you or to join you at your table. Listen to her as she speaks, and ask her questions about herself. Whatever you choose, don't ogle her -- you'll seem like a pervert.

Q: How do you deal with your advances being rejected?
A: Being out in the dating world means occasionally facing rejection. If your self-esteem is intact, rejection won't register as much more than a tiny blip on your radar. Reminding yourself on a regular basis that you are attractive and worthwhile can help you start believing it about yourself. Remind yourself as often as you can that you are desirable, but keep in mind that doing so doesn't mean that every person will desire you.

Q: What are some of the best and worst places to meet other women?
A: You know where we meet each other? Through other dykes. For one thing, we recycle exes. Another thing is we all know each other, so we're good at fixing up friends with friends. If you are single and looking, make it known. Tell everyone you know that you want to meet someone. Go to parties or throw a party and tell all your friends that they have to bring along one person you don't know. Get out, get involved. Turn your flirt on and smile at every pretty girl you see.
Joining an activity group of some kind expands your social circle dramatically. Start dropping in on your friend's book-club meetings or get involved with a film festival. You'll meet new people to whom you may be attracted, and you'll also have access to all the people your new friends know, and you may find that you like one of them.
Check out queer film festivals, erotica readings, art openings, yoga, the gym, dance clubs, bars, the library, Pride festivals, activist groups, feminist organizations, LGBT organizations (especially good if you're just out), or any queer-sponsored event.

Q: OK, and the worst places?
A: In my opinion, the worst place to meet women are at giant drunken lesbian events. You might meet someone, sure, but she might not remember you the next day.

Research Review on Lesbian/Gay parenting FYI

1)There is no evidence to suggest that lesbians and gay men are unfit to be parents.
Home environments with lesbian and gay parents are as likely to successfully support a child's development as those with heterosexual parents.

2)Good parenting is not influenced by sexual orientation. Rather, it is influenced most profoundly by a parent's ability to create a loving and nurturing home -- an ability that does not depend on whether a parent is gay or straight.

3)There is no evidence to suggest that the children of lesbian and gay parents are less intelligent, suffer from more problems, are less popular, or have lower self-esteem than children of heterosexual parents.
The children of lesbian and gay parents grow up as happy, healthy and well-adjusted as the children of heterosexual parents.

Am I a Lesbian, Bi or Gay? For the not so sure...

Ok, ok.... before we start to business, we must remember to not to label ourselves... right? As long as you know that in someway you are somehow attracted to women. Might be because you just want to explore, you like the curves, you like to get down with one or simply you just dont know why.

Here's the catch... women of today think that it is hip if you were or are involved with a woman... some thinks it's a walking medal... NO! You get confused of what you really are because of 2 reasons: 1. people around you 2. what people are telling you.

Can you answer this now? Are you Lesbian? Gay or Bi? mmm for first timers, you can't just now right? I thought so too... but that's ok.... BUT the not so ok part is when you get involved with someone of the same sex and realized that it was a puking experience... then we have problems here... first, you just hurt her feelings, second, it was very rude to be experimenting. Knowing yourself doesn't really have to use someone... when I said about "u wouldnt know until u try some" meant that ''look at all the different colors, and tell me which one u like before tasting it"

Ok, for those who has this ''problem'' about themselves... try to read my older posts about coming out... exploring yourself and a lot more. then let me know. I'll keep in touch with you... though I've been out for a while......

Anyway, I will be sharing some pictures here about my latest agendas... at least some candid too to laugh about =)

Take care... love you. Keep reading.

Flirt Using Reading Body Language

You see someone from across the room and think: Wow. I want to meet them. But how can you be sure that your body language conveys your true intentions - to flirt?
These body language cues are excellent ways to show the object of your interest that you'd like to get to know them better. And if someone uses these cues on you? Flirt right back -- because flirting is harmless, and practice makes perfect.
Flirt Using Your Eyes
Holding eye contact with someone you find appealing for approximately five seconds is well-used flirt tactic, mostly because it is highly effective, although its ease and simplicity of use doesn't hurt. - need to lock eyes three times before the flirt recipient catches on.

Preening To Flirt
There are many, many ways one groom themselves in public in a flattering yet flirty way, depending on your gender. Ladies can try some hair stroking, posture enhancing, neck exposing, hip tilting (if standing), clothes straightening or lip licking - all with the intention of calling attention to her attractiveness. Men can also straighten their clothing, lick their lips or fix their hair, but they should also include things like hooking their fingers into their pants (if standing), suck in their stomach, or take deep breaths to increase the size of their chest. For both men and women, try to use preening body language that shows off your best features while enhancing what makes you, you.

Flirt With a Smile
There are few things better than receiving a genuine, radiant smile from a stranger, yet many people don't respond to them as a flirt tactic. Therefore, use your smile in conjunction with the other body language ideas listed in this article to ensure whomever you've got your eye on realizes a flirt is your intention.

Flirt By Pointing
No, not by using your finger silly. Instead, try to 'point' at the person you want to flirt with by moving your body towards them. Take your feet and make sure they are facing your flirt target, and use your shoulders to lean into them - even if you aren't speaking with them. Other ideas include facing your shoulders towards them or 'closing off' a space just for the two of you (such as crossing your legs towards each other).

Using Touch To Flirt
Look for opportunities where you can touch the person you want to flirt with, either 'accidentally' or otherwise. Shaking hands is an excellent flirt tactic, because not only does it place your hands together (which conveys a "higher level of intimacy" according to Alan and Barbara Pease), but it is easy way to combine flirting with an introduction. You could also try carefully and casually placing your hands on the person's arms to very gently 'move' them so you can pass by on your way to the bathroom, or lightly tap their arm while sharing a laugh. And if you aren't quite comfortable touching the person you want to flirt with quite yet, you can try mimicking their movements for a short period of time (i.e. a couple of seconds), instead.

Meet My Friends

Friends... they play a very important role in my life-next to my family.

I just want to share this funny thing that happened to me here in my blog, somebody actually posted in my cbox saying that: "ey ms. chona, i wanna see your friend" I really don't know who she or he was and the reason why. But of course I am person that is easy to ask favor with...

Unfortunately, I deleted that message because there was something after that favor... sorry mate, who ever you were. And to answer your 2nd question, yes I am a Lesbian and am not interested to have a relationship with men. But to have straight people as my pals... Of course, why not.

So here goes.... me and my friends who always cuddles with alcoholism....

LOVE YOU ALL...... friends and readers!!!

Etiquette for Lesbians Flirting over Text Messaging

Text messaging is a great way to get in contact with someone you have just met, want to know better, are interested in dating or for flirting. So, you've met someone and you've got her cell phone number and you want to send her a text, how should you go about it? Here are some tips and Etiquette for text messaging.
Ask First.
When you get her number, ask if it's okay to text. Some people don't have plans that include lots of text messages. You don't want to run her cell phone bill up. Also, some people don't like to text message.
Keep it short.
Most cell phone plans allow for up to 160 characters. If you've got something longer to say, either call her or send an email.
Start simple.
Send a message and see how she responds. Start simple and innocent. Just sending a message will let her know you're somewhat interested. No need to get too flirty too fast. Use her response to gauge what you do next.
Use Discretion.
Don't get too sexual over text message if you know she's at work, at her parents or some other place where hearing such a comment would be inappropriate.
Don't Drink and Text.
One sure way to say something you regret later is to send an impulsive text when you're tipsy. Refrain from texting if you're drinking.
Keep an Eye on the Clock.
Just because you're a night owl, doesn't mean she is. Don't send a text message at an hour when you wouldn't call her. If her phone is on, it will probably wake her up.
Keep it fun and Flirty.
Don't say anything over text that you wouldn't tell her in person. But do have fun, be playful and try to elicit a laugh.
Don't Diss Your Friends.
You may be really into this girl, but don't have a long conversation with her while you're visiting with your friends or family. Let her know you're happy to hear from her, but that you're busy and will get back to her later.
Nothing Serious.
Don't break up with her over text message, have a fight over text or discuss any serious issue. That should be done face-to-face.
Make Dates.
Text messaging can be fun, but it can't replace real live encounters. Use texting to make a date to actually see each other in person.
Give her time to reply.
You may have the fastest fingers in the West, but some people aren't that adept at text messaging. She may be waiting to respond to you after she gets off work, when she has time to think about what she wants to say or after she checks in with her best friend to help her remember which person she gave her number to that night you are.
Don't Over Do it.
Don't send her thousands of texts if she doesn't respond. That's like leaving someone ten voice mails. It sounds stalkerish or desperate, neither of which you want to be if you're trying to impress someone.
Save the Special for Face-to-Face.
Don't tell her you love her for the first time over a text. Don't ask her to marry you or move in over a text. Anything serious should be done in person.

AND MOST OF ALL... ENJOY AYT!

COMING OUT TO PARENTS

Before you come out to your parents, there are a few things you should think about. The first is, imagine the worst-case scenario. You may think your parents will be fine with this information, but what if they aren’t? The truth is, most parents do not react badly, but you might want to think about these things, just in case.
If you live with your parents and they decide to kick you out, do you have a place to go? Have a back-up plan. Line up a friend to stay with, in case you need it.
Are you financially dependent on your family? Are you relying on them to pay for your college? No one wants to believe that her parents will cut off their college funding for coming out as lesbian, but it has happened. If you think your parents might be the type, you might want to consider waiting until you are no longer financially dependent upon them.
Next ask yourself why you want to let your parents know? Is it because you want to let them know about an important part of yourself? Good. But if your answer is, “I think it’s time they deal with their homophobic feelings,” you might want to really consider what that means and what it might do to your relationship. Although it may seem tempting, do not come out during an argument or when you feel angry. Those feelings will outweigh the message you are trying to deliver and may make it harder for your parents to accept the news.
Consider telling another family member before you come out to your parents. An aunt, cousin or sibling can be an ally for you if your parents freak out.

Pick a Good Time
Try to schedule a chunk of uninterrupted time with your parent(s). It is usually better not to do this around some big family function, like Thanksgiving or the Winter Holidays. There is usually a lot of stress around these times of year already. However, if this is the only practical time, try to do it on a day that is less hectic.
I would recommend coming out in person, rather than over the phone or in a letter or email. There’s no replacing the face-to-face contact.
If you’re seeing someone, don’t bring her along. Although you may want her support, it will probably be easier for your parents if it’s just you. There’ll be plenty of time for introductions later. Or if your parents have already met your sweetheart and she’s dazzled them, you can let them know that she is your special one.

How do I know if I'm a Lesbian?

How do I know if I’m a lesbian or not? Lesbians are women who are attracted to other women. This can be a physical attraction, emotional attraction or sexual attraction. If you’re a woman attracted to women, you might be a lesbian. Or you might be bisexual or you might simply be a straight women who is attracted to a friend. It may take you some time to determine which one you are.
Some women claim to have known from a very early age that they were lesbian, or at least knew that there was something “different” about themselves. Others don’t come out until their forties, fifties and even later, after having spent years in a heterosexual marriage. Whatever your situation, what is most important is that you’re taking the time now to try and figure it out and get to know yourself better.

"I think I’m a lesbian, but I’ve never had sex with a girl."
That’s okay. Most straight people know that they are attracted to the opposite sex before they ever actually have sex. There’s no need to rush to have sex to “find out” if you’re a lesbian or not. Do what feels natural to you.

RESPECT

"COMING OUT" Part

I grew up abroad which made me as open minded as I can be, but though, it was not really easy for me to come out from my closet and say " mom-dad... I think I am a lesbian". (my life story posted in the older post)

So I deeply feel about people who are hiding right now. I know society holds your "Being you" part of it. I know and I am aware that here in CEBU it is not that openly accepted, "the g to g" relationship. But what I say about it????? I don't give a damn!!! See, what is the worst thing a parent can do once they know their daughter is a Lesbian? - get mad, scream, cry, disappointed, unhappy...... BUT they can NEVER hate you. And those (PARENTS) are the people you should be more concern of about being a lesbian. They will still love and not hate you, eventually they will accept it - Believe me. Friends??? friends can always blah-blah in that instant, but will forget what they blah-blah about you and still be your friend - some might be in a distance for a while, but try to throw a huge party, I guarantee you they will be there!!!!

So, coming out is not as easy as we can all just say it - I know. Try to slowly act on. Try to be yourself. Don't imitate others-like Shane from LWord... by the way I love that series... But what I mean is that, Be yourself. Wear what ever that can hold your body together. Remember, you will never know how it is until you try-right? How would you know that an ice cream is sweet if you'll never taste it? So how will you know if that is really YOU that you're feeling unless if you grab some woman and taste.... "i kissed a girl and i like it" familiar? yup.

But of course, please do not do this shit if you are just fuckin' wasted or curious and start blaming yourself of what you just did that you cant even remember - for straight people who are curious, please remember... Lesbians do have feelings too. We are as human as anyone can be.

Now, I shall take a bow and exit stage right. All I can say is that: "lets throw a WOMAN'S party only" hahahaha. that sounded so good! Take care and keep reading!